Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
I imagine you might have a hard time considering the idea that the D/s was not necessarily to blame. But it's not. People are often assholes. Poly people, mono people, vanilla people, kinky people. It's a sad fact of life.
I suggested that the OP deliberately and fully step out of her D/s role with her partner for a discussion of this potentially relationship-breaking problem just to be absolutely, positively sure that it wasn't getting in the way here. I see no reason at all to assume it was causing the problem, since NRE and thoughtlessness are so sadly common.
I get all that and I agree assholes are everywhere. And that's why I said "It's the people
in the D/s roles I wonder about . . . more than the roles themselves." Stepping out of it makes sense, although I wonder how much of the role you can just shed and turn off or on like a light switch, but the comment you made telling her to do that just made me wonder what the hell the benefit was in the first place if you have to make sure it isn't part of what's fucking things up. But I never said nor meant to imply that D/s was the cause of their problems, though couldn't it exacerbate them, just like poly can magnify problems in a relationship? (Though I do not like correlating the two. I see poly and any aspect of BDSM as vastly different choices from each other)
*sigh* Maybe I'm just babbling. I don't feel like I'm being very clear.
Thanks for the link, but I've got a whole e-book library about D/s, oddly enough, which I read here and there. It downloaded automatically when someone recommended a book to me and I found it in a zip file full of other stuff. And the reason it was recommended to me what that this guy thinks I would make a great Dominatrix. And that's not the first time it's been said to me, which perplexes me even more!!! I just feel like... nope, can't. LOL