Last night after I posted it was amazing to me how much better I felt simply by venting to you wonderful faceless strangers. Not great, still a bit hurt and confused but it really did feel like a loosening in my chest and a burden from my shoulders. Thank you all!
Re: BDSM and/or D/s …we do not “Live” it 24/7 but there are overtones in nearly everything we do. Nine, okay, maybe eight out of ten people would just see us a regular ole vanilla lesbian couple. I am not her slave (not that there is anything wrong with that…I’m just a bit too stubborn and independent to ever be a good slave) but I am submissive to her most of the time. Perhaps it is semantics…I defer to her opinion and/or experience. Even when I am not home and am on assignment I tend to be a follower, I always have been. I will lead, I am capable of leading, I just don’t prefer to do it. S on the other hand is a natural Leader, always has been, and likes it. She can be in a room with 100 complete strangers and before long she is the one that is being looked to for guidance. I have thought about my being a switch but well, I don’t think I want the responsibility of the Top/Dominate position.
Re: communication… I feel free to speak my mind and voice my opinions. If we are “in role” even then… but at that time it is a matter of phrasing. We talk. A lot. When I’m on assignment that is how we communicate. It’s not just about the kids, cats, dogs, bills. Feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears…we talk. We communicate. When I am home we talk. We go for drives and will drive for miles and go nowhere just talking and holding hands. I build a fire on the deck and we talk for hours into the night.
Re: NRE…they have been talking on the phone for months now…at least since early May. S works from home and is by nature of her job on the phone a lot. He was a client. They found each other interesting and business chats became longer and finally S provided her (our) home number. They did not actually see each other the first time until August and I wasn’t home…I was on assignment. It was a coffee date. She and I spoke for hours over days about it…her feelings (nervous, scared, confused---“a dude, really? I’m a lesbian!”) and we spoke of my feelings about it too. I encouraged her to meet him because she was unsure. I told her if there were even a possibility of her going back to his hotel room to make sure and take condoms…always be prepared.
Re: Hotel…my fault. Honestly. I was on assignment. S and I had been talking at length about P…her feelings, her this/ her that. S and I have a transparent honesty agreement. We tell each other everything if not at the exact moment then as soon as we talk next. Therefore we talk a lot about her conversations with P and some of the things they talk about. I was feeling a bit scared and confused…afraid of being replaced (btw, the article on xeromag is awesome…TY) because I got/get the feeling he is more into her than she into him. I said that I’d like to meet him the next time I came home. You know, the boogey man is usually less scary once you see him than depending on one’s imagination…that theory. So, we met for dinner…and breakfast. On the drive home from dinner I lost my shit…we talked about that too.
Neither S or P are calling this a “relationship” as yet...just yesterday he referred to it as “hanging out”—which pissed S off. But then earlier today P tells S that he does not know what this is but “am I falling for you? Yes. Am I ready to call it love? No”. P aka “Mr. Fresh Penis”…thank you SourGirl, is from what I have seen and heard…both second hand and actually speaking to him on the phone twice a nice guy. I honestly do not think or feel Mr. FP (straight, mono) is trying to put asunder the relationship S and I have. He has said as much and I believe him.
I like that they talk and have a good time. I love that they talk about the stuff they talk, debate and argue about…global economics, the fall of the Roman Empire, religion, politics and etc. It’s not my thing and frankly I feel somewhat relieved that S has P to speak to about those things. She is whip smart, cool, rational and logical. Me, not so much…I’m not stupid, I am actually even smart but our interests in conversational topics are no really conducive to the types of debate they have and very much enjoy.
Really S and I have a great relationship. I am madly in love with her. She is not perfect and I do not have her on a pedestal. She is human and has faults just as the rest of us do. She can be an asshole and she knows it; freely admits it. I can be an asshole too.
Re: orgasm control…oh lord I would be in major trouble. No. I’m not under any kind of restriction in that. S has no problem with me using the vibrator or any other methods of masturbation. She has no problem with me seeing someone else either for sex or a relationship.
My main difficulty is the actual physical sex or lack thereof with my partner. I find her incredibly HOT and sexy and well…sex with her is by far the best I have ever had. Ever. Really. I’m just have a hard time dealing with the libido drought in my desert while it’s raining in P’s.