Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Gosh, cuddles, I hate to say this, but I am getting the impression she's keeping you around as the long suffering "nice guy" who offers security and a safe home base, while she goes out making out with and banging the forbidden bad boys.
I am a nice guy!
Eh, there may be some truth to that, but I think you're stereotyping.
Yes, she's more of a primary/secondary "open relationship" person, and I'm more of a poly "three serious girlfriends" person? But that's compatible as long as we communicate, right? Also we're both still exploring, so maybe we will change our models with experience.
This latest new guy definitely fits some of the bad boy archetype (except for the whole PhD thing...) I moan about how much better he is than me, and she laughs and says she doesn't care about most of the things I perceive as threatening.
I felt mostly fine, even happy, about her seeing him last night because 1. This time I knew about it beforehand. 2. She spent the previous day at my place cuddling and reassuring and talking about stuff.
After the date she always calls and tells me how it went. Said she was so attached to me during the day she was having second thoughts about seeing him, was annoyed that he didn't show up on time, etc. It's not as threatening as I always fear it to be.
I do think of myself as a beta male, because my personality is so shy/meek/stable/cuddly. She calls me her "secret alpha male", though, brags to her dates about me, and several of them have expressed an interest in being cuckolded by me, which is... kinda backwards. o_O
But now we're way off-topic.
So "boundaries", "guidelines", "rules", ... What I want is more like "rationales" and "solutions" or something. But those are dumb names. Like "Rationale: Action X makes person A feel bad emotion Y. Solution: Therefore, we agree to only do X under condition Z." Then it's not like a context-free "buckle up or else" authoritarian rule that rebels feel an urge to break, and the consequences of "breaking" it are plain as day: person A will feel bad emotion Y.