Thread: Chips...
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:01 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Hullo and welcome!

Originally Posted by Gypsystarrs View Post
Everytime they've seen each other they fuck.
I was originally thinking that maybe it is a question of proximity - when she's in the mood he is there - but you mentioning him driving three hours to be with her sort of brings that theory crashing down.

How long has she been together with this guy? If it's less than two years, there is probably a lot of NRE (new relationship energy) going on still. Do a tag search on "NRE" and you'll see that this behaviour, although certainly not okay, is very common.

Originally Posted by Gypsystarrs View Post
She has said that she feels "pressured" and that I am "expecting" sex and therefore she does not feel sexual with me.
I don't know if you've sought general sex advice, but most of the stuff written for straight mono vanilla couples applies just as well. Put your focus on just being together and reconnecting after your absences, have date nights with no expected outcome, and voice clearly that not all cuddles or touches you initiate are sexual advances. Masturbate beforehand if necessary to pull this off. I don't know if this is your case but sometimes the focus is so much on sexual (dys)function after long absences that the whole "getting used to each others' touch again" phase is skipped alltogether.

Originally Posted by Gypsystarrs View Post
All of this is a bit more sticky too because we have a BDSM style relationship as well; it's not strict 24/7 but there are overtones in nearly everything we do. She is the dominant/top and I am the submissive/bottom.
Is her secondary relationship kinky too? Maybe it's time to shake up your dynamics on some level.

Originally Posted by Gypsystarrs View Post
How can I not see it as a personal affront that she doesn't have sex with me but will have sex with him?
Ask her what it is with this guy that makes her feel less of the pressure? Was the sex more frequent when the two of you started out? Were you already travelling when the two of you met?

Either something between you two has changed, or she and this guy are truly more combatible. Either way, you have options.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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