S and I are a lesbian couple that have been together for four years.
I travel and am not home a lot...one and rarely two weeks out of any 3 month time period.
She has a low libido and has made no secret of that since the beginning of our relationship. Mine is "normal" to high. She says she only has so many libidinous chips to spend. Okay. Get that.
What I don't get is why she and I don't have sex on the rare occasions when I am home but she has enough chips to spend on her the guy that she's seeing. Everytime they've seen each other they fuck.
She says she cannot see why I'm upset or hurt that she and I don't have sex or make love or fuck when I am home. This last time I was home I got to meet P for dinner. He drives three hours. They stayed at a hotel and I went home. I met them for breakfast the next morning...it's obvious that they have been up all night. She sleeps all the way to our home and then crashes on the couch.
If there is a finite quantity of her libidinous chips I find it hard to be okay with (read not jealous) that she doesn't spend any on me on the finite time that I am home. Honestly, I think it would be different if I lived at home and she and I had more occasion to be together sexually. She has said that she feels "pressured" and that I am "expecting" sex and therefore she does not feel sexual with me. All of this is a bit more sticky too because we have a BDSM style relationship as well; it's not strict 24/7 but there are overtones in nearly everything we do. She is the dominant/top and I am the submissive/bottom.
How do I reign in my jealously/hurt about not having any chips for me? How can I not see it as a personal affront that she doesn't have sex with me but will have sex with him?
Some insight would be fantastic. I am trying. I truly am. I'm just having a hard time right now.