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Old 09-30-2011, 04:39 AM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
Posts: 54

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I would expect that she'd mention anybody she was interested in as a matter of normal conversation.
She volunteers information sometimes, but I have to ask other times. I am trying to encourage her. (On the other hand, I promptly forget a third of what she tells me...)

Why do you feel the need for that? What difference does it make to you? Your partner finds somebody interesting enough to make a date--what does it matter if the person has been texting hourly for a week or emailing daily for a couple of months?
Maybe it doesn't make a difference to you, but one thing I've noticed is that surprises really hurt me; feel like cheating even if they're not. If I'm expecting her to be out with coworkers and she spontaneously meets up with a guy afterward, I am hurt by the surprise of it. She can't always tell me about dates before they happen, because sometimes they're legitimately spontaneous, but she *can* tell me that she's crushing on someone, being asked out a lot by someone, exchanging naked pics with someone, etc. so that when I find out about other things that have happened, they are not unexpected. As long as I have realistic expectations, my feelings seem to work out well. If my expectations are... exceeded, I feel betrayed (regardless of whether she actually did anything wrong).

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Oh yes, definitely. If your partner dated a guy who was cheating on his partner with her, that is totally unethical and not in line with poly basics.
Nah, not dated. Just drunkenly made out with an engaged friend after admitting their crushes on each other after his bachelor party. That was our biggest fight, several months ago. This weekend she clearly apologized for that and said it was wrong (yet simultaneously "doesn't regret it"? o_O)

cowboys and cowgirls, people who seem cool with dating a poly person, but are really looking to get them away from their primary and into a mono relationship with them.
Good term! Is that in common usage?

Do you live with your partner? If you do, wouldnt you notice if she was IMing/phoning a lot or not? Wouldnt you just kind of gather how excited she was about this or that guy?
We don't live together, so no. And (ideally) she's not spending our whole time together texting with other guys, so the only way I can know that she has a crush on a coworker and hangs out with him every day after work and would accept if he put the moves on her is if she tells me.
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