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Old 10-28-2009, 11:59 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Sunny CA
Posts: 293

I often wonder about this too... I spend alot of time thinking about what is important to me in relationships and what is not so important. For example, when thinking about mono or poly relationships: There are challenges and benefits to both, some of which you cannot experience in both relationship paradigms. There are some poly articles that just piss me off because the generalize about what "poly people" think about relationships. The truth is that alot of these things (lack of possessiveness, handle on jealousy, good communication, etc. is present in good monogamous relationships too.) Being monogamous is almost like a "gift" to yourself and your partner, especially if you are not mono-wired. It means that you value something special in this relationship enough to "forsake" all others.

It seems, in thought anyways, that monogamy isn't a deal breaker for me, either way. I can be in monogamous relationships or not... What matters for me is real love, commitment, etc. I think that some people may use monogamy as a way to "prove" that they love someone... This is what I did anyhow. But then again - I wonder if focusing on non-monogamy is just as shallow... or a response from fear. see this:

What do you think of this quote about open relationships? (not me)
"I think they donít really believe in love, and I think they force themselves to deal with the thought of the person they love having sex with other people because they think thatís the only way to really hold onto their love.

I think what motivates people is often fear of loss or getting hurt, so they dumb down their relationships in order to protect themselves against pain. "

I question my motives at times... why monogamous? Why poly? Am I reacting to some fear of loss, etc? I think that people can run in either direction as a reaction to fear... how many of you honestly think you might do this?
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