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Old 09-29-2011, 12:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,494

Originally Posted by liquidperfection View Post
Ok. the title is an attention getter.
But what is this thing with "perfection?" 3 times, your name and your title?

Are you a perfectionist? It seems a tad disrespectful to call yourself perfect and her not so perfect. Aren't we all imperfect?


A few facts, I'm str8, my partner is a bif. I have a high sex drive (my preference is 3-4x/week) and she happy with sex every other week. She's going through 'the change' and she's got some pain issue and sensitivity. She's going to the doctor to see if it can be remedied.
Pain during sex? Do you use lube?

She still loves to have sex with women, which I"m happy with.
How long have you 2 been together? Not all that long, it sounds like. NRE has faded though, and you're left with the real you, the real her.

Maybe she actually prefers women? You 2 don't need to "share" one woman you know. She can have her own gf, you can get your own. Trying to share a unicorn usually doesn't work.

She spends a lot of time on Reddit giving sex advice. Unfortunately, I think she needs to write herself an email asking herself for help. She can't explain what turns her on. She loves my touch, but she says it relaxes her, it does not excite her. She's doesn't really enjoy oral from me.
Maybe your technique needs work?

I've never had this kind of an issue. If she's not into having sex, she's also not really into a handjob. She's also usually is very inactive during our play. She prefers to sit back and have me do all the work.

We always talk about finding a third woman.
You mean a third, a woman. Again, so many couples new to poly have the fantasy of the perfect unicorn who will be in love/lust with both of them equally, leading to fantastic 3way sex. This almost never happens.

I'd love it and so would she. She feels like it would take off the pressure to have sex more often then she wants. But my concern is if we bring in another woman she will start to feel left out or inadequate...she does have that tendency now as she was bullied as a child.
Bring in 2 new women. One for her, one for you. Then she'll have her own thing and won't need to feel that a shared woman is hotter for you than she is.

When we started dating the sex was the hottest I've ever had. I never expected it to stay that way, I understand how the newness thing works, but I also did not expect it to get to the point where I've become gun-shy. I'm hesitant to go from the romantic massage and kissing to the next level. She's actually said, "I think you feel like you've been tricked. Hot sex at the start, we move in together and now look where we are".
You say she's being treated for depression? Did she take an anti-depressant, or is she still? That can dampen sex drive, but trying a different one without that side effect can help.

I've also got a higher sex drive than my gf. Sometimes if I keep pressuring her, she gets less and less turned on. A couple weeks ago that happened, and I told her I was going to back off for the foreseeable future. The very next day, she attacked me.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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