Originally Posted by BlueGecko
Your missing that she also says that it was her husband's depression that made her become an abuser because he acted like he wanted her to be. Nobody ever wants to be abuesed and being an abuser is always a choice.
I just don't see that she ever says "It was all his fault, I was blameless." It's true that she tries to understand how her behavior became as bad as it did, and looks at her reaction to his depression for answers, spending a lot of time analyzing what it was that he did that set her off.
But at the end she says "Maybe Raga was subconsciously trying to make me upset with him, trying to make me treat him badly. Maybe he wasn't." So she acknowledges that ultimately it was her destructive reaction that she needs to deal with. Is her supposition that maybe on some level he was trying to provoke her really so impossible? Of course it doesn't excuse the abuser, but are there really never any circumstances where people try to reenact patterns of abuse that they think they deserve?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.