Hi, I'm Prax
Hi poly people!
I'm Prax, a 20-year-old woman, currently the hinge in an open V with two men. J, my fiancÚ of two years, currently lives in another state as I attend college. A, a new boyfriend of this year, is one of my roommates at school.
Since I introduced both of them to polyamory, I feel a lot of pressure to explain poly theory to them, and often spend too much time worrying about whether they are being completely open with me. J has been struggling with some jealousy lately, especially now that we can't live together until the summer. Though I have dated other men since the beginning of our relationship, my relationship with A is the first one that moved beyond casual.
It doesn't help that I'm not really sure how each of them stand on the poly-mono scale. J describes himself as poly, but has never dated anyone outside of our relationship, and doesn't seem to want anything but a sex partner for when I'm away. A is completely new to poly relationships and knows virtually nothing about it, but says he's always liked the idea of open relationships. He too does not seem interested in actively seeking any other partners.
I sometimes find myself wishing they (J especially) would more actively pursue another partner, just so they could empathize with me and see that one relationship doesn't take from the other. J has tried a bit, but has had a hard time finding someone. This has lead to him feeling jealous of me because of my dating success.
J and A will be meeting for the first time this weekend, when J comes to visit. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly. I keep telling them that all I want is to make them feel as safe and happy as possible - I am so happy with both of them, I wish it could be just as easy for them to accept each other and realize that my feelings for the other never detract from our relationship.
On the bright side, I have found that having my first serious OSO has, if anything, strengthened my feelings for J. I find the small differences between them help me to appreciate things that I usually take for granted.