Thread: paradise lost?
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Old 09-27-2011, 08:09 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 182

Originally Posted by LFP View Post
Don't get me wrong, I'll have to come to terms with the new situation and embark on what you suggest (i.e. getting a new life) anyway, but in a few months from now, when our friends start asking me how I see the whole thing, I don't want to answer "well, this is how it is and I have to live with the new situation somehow" with a big sigh, but rather I'd want to wholeheartedly "advertise" poly as the much more natural and rich concept over the run-of-the-mill monogamous relationship.(
I don't think you need to force yourself to a position where you wholeheartedly advertise polyamory. It's ok to let yourself off the hook on that one.
When my non-poly friends ask me about it....I'm just honest.

"It's actually quite challenging some of the time....lots of issues crop up and they need to be addressed and's not plain sailing...sometimes there are insecurities, often fears, I often fear hurting people...sometimes I feel jealous or lonely. I am constantly assessing myself to ponder if I can manage things in a more positive fashion...I often think of ways to show more care" etc etc...

I think many people on this forum would feel ok admitting poly adds complexity to their life...and they dedicate themselves to become more capable of dealing with complexity....and with very serious emotions..

Would I wholeheartedly advertise polyamory ?
No, I don't think so. I'd say it's not for the fainthearted, it is challenging....but I feel I'm benefiting so I'll continue to explore and strive for growth...

And I guess that leads back to your original feelings...
You don't feel you're benefiting ?

Having discussions with your friends may be a good starting point (when you are ready of course)...opening up a discussion about feeling vulnerable is a really good way to reach out to friends...and it may be some of those friends are also ready for deeper friendships....they may be ready to play a role in your life that is more intimate and caring (I don't neccessarily mean sexual)...I mean you may have friends around you ready to show intimacy and care....and this may help with the feeling you have lost a little of that..

It is my firm belief that there are always people ready to love you (and me...and everyone else)...and all you need to do to start that process is to show them who you are..

Maybe you are in the habit of only showing your girlfriend ?
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