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Old 09-27-2011, 02:46 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

RP, do you mean that there is someone in your local poly community who is behaving unethically, as you see it, and you want to know if it would be cool for you to let other people know about it? I sort of recall reading about something similar from you before. Have you tried to intervene in other situations and this is why you've been called a gossip?

When you say, "What can one do, if anything, to help them understand how what they do is harmful, neglectful; essentially irresponsible and unethical? Is it a communities responsibility to rally around and pass on information about its members..." it sounds like you have a certain standard that others are not living up to and you feel you should inform them about it so that they stop doing what you think they shouldn't be doing. It does come across as a bit judgmental and meddling, I have to say. But without knowing exactly what you're talking about, I'm only guessing here.

Plus, I don't think that, just because there is a community of polyamorous people that get together and know each other where you live, that they all must have the same standards and ethical guidelines among their own poly families and tangles. I mean, what are you going to uphold this person by? Your ethics?

What if they don't stop? Would you keep harping on them about it? Shame them with public exposure? Everyone has free will and no amount of counseling (which could be seen by them as a reprimand) will necessarily prevent anyone from continuing to do what they want to do. If you want to expose this person because people he or she is involved with are getting hurt, then I would think a private talk with the person they are hurting would be better. Who knows - you might find out that what this person is doing is consensual and agreed upon/approved by others. Or that everyone knows about it already and no one really cares.

Originally Posted by INo View Post
The word "ethical" is subjective to me.
Yes, this is true. It all depends on the set of standards (ethics) in place within a specific culture or community. Everyone has their own unique sense of ethics.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 09-27-2011 at 02:51 AM.
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