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Old 09-26-2011, 06:05 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497

I'm definitely working on communication lately. I'm finding that there is a mix between learning "techniques" for communication, and being aware, present and in the moment needed.

For myself, I'm finding that becoming a better listener is helping me the most in communication.

And lastly, for right now-- I do a lot of the communicating about major issues through email. This seems to work best for both me and my hubs. First, I tend to get overly wordy, easily distracted and go off on tangents when I try to discuss things in person. And often, the way I phrase something the first time doesn't really convey what I mean and gets misunderstood.

With email, I can think more about what I really want to say -- the meat of the message. I can be much more succinct, and edit as needed if I reread something and it's not really saying what I mean. And it works better for hubs because he can read it, think about it, reread it and see if he's reading it the same way twice , and then take time to answer.

Not that we don't communicate in person as well, but doing this first and THEN talking about it seems to be working much better for us.

We also talked this weekend about taking moments when we are upset to regroup. He needs time sometimes to walk away and cool down, and so do I. But knowing how to say that instead of just walking away angry is important.

I also told him I'm working hard in not "reacting" to things emotionally right away, but allowing conversations or moments to sink in for a while, and think about them more before responding. Because of this, there may be moments when he says something and I'm having a reaction, and I will let him know I need to put that away for a bit and sit on it-- I'll get back to him later.

It's a work in progress to be sure, but these small things have helped us tremendously-- which is good because we have a lot of stuff to work out right now!
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