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Old 10-28-2009, 08:13 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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I happen to see Mono and my husband as equal. I know Mono you don't understand that or like that, but it is the way it is for me. I see where you are coming from in terms of what is at stake, but as there is nothing at stake because we are humming along just fine I have no problem thinking of you as equal. I know my husband does too and consults you when we have plans to make for the future.

If I had to make a chose for our future, god forbid I had to decide on one of you, I would chose to be alone. I could not go back to just my husband and I could not go out searching again as I did before. Those days are over as far as I can see. I would prefer to work something out around staying friends with both of you while raising my son between my husband and I and perhaps in part with you too Mono... as he has come to think of you as family.

Back to the thread at hand.

We are not in a closed "V." My husband actively seeks out other loves and is dating someone at the moment. Mono and I are exclusively fluid bonded and I am his only love. I have another tersiary intimate friend and he is not poly-fi with me. I am open to a female relationship at some point and look forward to that. I have an active sex life with myself in terms of seeking out alternative ways of connecting with myself in regards to my sexuality. I decided to add that I am exploring a relationship with myself (as pansexual, but also in terms of being alone) because I have recently made some huge discoveries about myself, with Mono's help, that I am just beginning to explore... after all our relationships with ourselves are the most important and should be primary.

Mono and I talk about this topic a lot and it comes up over and over again. I need to reassure him on a regular basis that I am not looking for another male and am quite content with what I have. The whole time thing is definitely part of that, but also that I am really very much in need of his containment needs. I know that sounds kind of odd, but I like the boundaries he has placed on me because I have had some shitty stuff happen to me and didn't like myself in a more "loose" poly lifestyle (I had some jealousy stuff come up that made me a crazy woman). I will push those boundaries I'm sure as I have not had them for a very long time, but I am learning where they are for him and we are working towards something that is comfortable for both of us. I try and remember that we have not been together long and that there is a whole life ahead of us to enjoy and explore. I don't know what that will bring, he doesn't know what that will bring and it is better I think to let the whole topic go. We both tend to purseverate on it. In fact when he reads this I am expecting he will!

The future that I want (and I like to ask for what I want and hear what my partners want because otherwise how is anyone to know what they want with me and I with them) is to have a house with four apartments. Here we call that a fourplex with four suites. I would have one, my husband another, Mono another and my boy another (for when he goes on to further education and for us to rent out in the mean time, or if he prefers not to do that). It would have to be private from neighbors. I would like to have a common entrance with a large staircase up the middle of the house.... Maybe a heritage house that has been converted? I also want to have a large kitchen in my suite where we can make meals together and eat together with friends and family or just us. I could visit the men and they could visit me... there would be a garden, a private yard and we could have people stay with us as we wish in our own suites. too much to ask?

As for future relationships? I would like to continue where we are going as I feel as if there is still much to learn, grow into and some goals for me to work on in all areas of my life.

I'm really very happy and very lucky
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