Originally Posted by suziesue
Like, if I have a lovely long chat with Bridget, then suddenly I feel like I'm not giving things a chance with Alan. Or when Alan and I do webcam sex things I feel like I'm betraying Bridget, somehow, even though they both know about each other, and are seeing each other.
I'm really very new to this multiple partner thing, and its going against a strong idea in my head that I should choose just one of them.
Yeah, I can't afford the time/money to go very often, maybe once every 5-6 months if I really prioritize it. But even that feels weird, like, if I visit, I have to then somehow split up my very limited time between them, and I don't know how to deal with that without hurting one of them. Also, I'd want to spend time with the three of us, but feel strange asking that of either of them.
Yes, it does seem like you are still thinking as a monogamous person, and acting accordingly. Also, I suspect because of your sub personality, you are quite concerned with *pleasing* both of them, rather than acting on your own desires (for one on one, as well as triad time).
From the little you have said so far, it seems that Bridget and Alan are more comfortable sharing all amongst yourselves. Are they experienced at polyamory?
I hear you are afraid to hurt either of them by spending time with the other, cyberly or in real life. It's great to be sensitive to one's partners' needs, but unnecessary to imagine they might feel this or that (ie: jealousy), when they might be actually fine with the whole arrangement. The only cure for this is making sure everyone knows where the boundaries lie, acting accordingly, and checking in afterwards to make sure everyone still feels good about it.
It's perfectly reasonable to want time with all 3 of you there, as well as one on one time!