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Old 09-24-2011, 06:28 PM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Interesting question. It might be helpful to have examples of what things are official rules and what are the guidelines that keep getting broken.
An example of a rule is "no sex with a new partner until we've discussed it", which she's followed well so far.

An example of a potential rule is "We should know as much as possible about a potential date beforehand", or "No dating monogamous people". I guess her behavior could be interpreted as a violation of this, or not, depending.

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I mean it'd be intensely frustrating yet in a weird way the sense of the forbidden would make everything hotter
I don't think that's universal. Probably depends on personality.

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So, I'd keep the things you need to be rules as rules and do more deep talking to try to get to the point where she really understands why these things matter to you. And consider loosening up if you can, and only asking for the things you really need.

If she continues to ignore your needs, whether they're phrased as rules or requests, then it's the lack of respect that needs to be addressed. And how to do that? Well... all I can say is that if a partner continually disrespected me and wouldn't change, I'd consider some time apart.
That's very good advice, thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
'Breaking rules' results in punishment.

'Crossing boundaries' results in consequences.

In one instance people will complain of being treated like children, or prisoners, ( and may act accordingly) in the other instance people may accept responsibility.
The outcome of any situation, usually comes from the initial design.
Yes! That's the sort of thing I'm looking for.

Last edited by cuddlecakes; 09-24-2011 at 07:04 PM.
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