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Old 09-24-2011, 11:47 AM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
Posts: 54

Ok, now I'm upset. And by that I mean "worried" or "sick to stomach", not "angry". (I don't get angry easily, unless I feel I have been wronged in some way.)

She had a brunch first date with A on Friday, it went well and they kissed, but she was not 100% impressed with him. This kind of date makes me feel relief. That she is into someone but not so much it is threatening. ideally, this would make me feel disappointment for her instead

Wednesday I saw her and she told me about the date in person, which is always reassuring.

Thursday she had a brunch first date with B, and it went better than most, they have "strong chemistry" and made out. She hasn't told me much about the date, probably waiting until we're together today to give me a play-by-play. She hadn't talked about him much before this, so I barely know anything about this guy. Does he know about me? Is he poly? If so, does he have experience with it or is he just trying it out for the first time? After work, A wanted to see her, but she postponed because she is so enamored with B now.

Last night she went out drinking with coworkers, which was a planned thing I knew about, but then "ran into" B afterward and made out. "he was very respectful of my wishes to not go home with him etc." though they planned to see each other after work tomorrow, which I assume is not just a casual date.

She wrote me about it immediately when she got home, and is following our rule of no sex with new people until we've discussed it. She reassures me saying we will talk more about it and she cannot wait to see me today and loves me. But I am still upset.

She has a lot of dates, so many I can't keep track of who is who. (She can't even keep track of them all sometimes, or fit them into her schedule.) I will be worried and insecure about A, and then a few days later A isn't important and B is suddenly the one she's crushing on instead, and I am not prepared for it? I am overwhelmed. She moves much faster than me and is more aggressive and forward.

I haven't had a date since April, and when I was dating, I'd go on 2 or 3 dates with a girl without ever kissing. I am very shy.
I'm sorry, but I can't not compare myself to her. It's impossible. I have to compare myself to the guys she's seeing too. They are also doing just as well. And I can't contact or date new girls if I'm depressed or insecure.

This is not working well for me. I clearly have needs that are not being met, but I don't know what they specifically are or what to ask for. She is following all our rules and trying to be proactive about communication and reassurance. But any time a date goes really well I am nervous and worried instead of feeling compersion or happiness for her.

(Should I be posting under new threads instead of in the introduction forum?)

Last edited by cuddlecakes; 09-24-2011 at 11:50 AM.
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