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Old 09-23-2011, 07:29 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497

So I'm doing good today. I have been having some concerns and frustrations lately regarding time/energy/focus/scheduling amongst three people lately and last night it was definitely on my mind with the help of some PMS.

Anyway I ended up waking up at 4:15 this morning with things still circling in my head. I was heading towards an emotional spiral of bitterness, frustration, sadness and lots of other things, and so I tried to use some of the skills that Tara Brach talks about on her website.

I started by taking a good look at what I was feeling, defining and naming the emotions, feeling what it felt like in my body, and then finally just FEELING them. It took a while, but the emotional whirlwind slowed down and I started seeing the situation in a different light-- involving a lot more understanding and logic.

Anyway I ended up coming up with some ideas that I think might help all of us get a little bit more of what we really need, while sapping a lot less of our energies. I sent hubs an email this morning about it. I do much better in email form because:

1) I get WAY too wordy if I don't put it down in writing and then EDIT, and my main message ends up getting lost in a sea of unnecessary words. Hubs can't hear what Im' saying if I say too much. I have to be concise.

2) Hubs can read it when he is ready to do so, and can linger and think on it for a while before responding and/or talking about it with me. This gives him a chance to see what he thinks and reread if he's unsure of something BEFORE we have the discussion.

These things seem to work better for us.

I am concerned a little because I don't want him (or his GF) to think I want to run the show when it comes to how we all get along. I most certainly don't want to, I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to.

But the fact is (as my husband pointed out last night), I'm the one who reads about things-- time management, poly, etc. Nobody else does that, so they don't have access to getting the benefits from other people's experiences and having that to help guide future choices. Both he and the GF tend to shoot from the hip-- which is great in some aspects, but isn't so great when it comes to the organization needed to maintain this crazy life we lead.

And if I sit back and wait for someone else to try to get things to work smoothly-- well, let's just say that won't happen. Ever.

On another fun note, this weekend no kids in the house!! It'll be the last one for a while that we get to spend together with nobody else there, so I intend to enjoy it. Hopefully do some fun stuff, laze around a little, fool around a lot. I am SOOOOO looking forward to it.
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