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Old 09-23-2011, 02:41 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194

No probs, Baron.

Originally Posted by Baron View Post
This strikes me as the worst bit of all as I also believe that it should have been a very good relationship. I have had relationships before and this one should have been the best one of my life.
That's so interesting. You've said so many things there. In one way, it shows a lot of disappointment, like you feel cheated of the relationship this "should" have been. That is obviously where a lot of your bitterness is coming from, and it's probably important to acknowledge that.

But it also shows a sort of hope for the future. Why do you think this relationship "should" have been great? Are there qualities in your wife and yourself that go well together? Are there aspects of this relationship that should have been given the chance to grow? Those are good things to talk about.

We both wanted children. We still do and this has added a lot of urgency to our problems. I am afraid that this is a very personal point for both of us and not one I wish to share, unless RS wishes to contribute first.

Yes, she has PCOS. She also has had depression since before I met her and a number of other conditions that have appeared since then. You will pardon me, but I am reading this section of your reply as the beginnings of an interrogation.
I wasn't trying to pry, really. It's just that I found your statement that you didn't have children because of "lack of intimacy" suspicious, and I wanted some clarification. It seemed like you were blaming your wife for your childlessness, and I wondered if it was really that simple.

I understand that you don't want to talk about this. It can be a touchy subject! You aren't the first couple who finds dealing with infertility (or similar problems) to be a real strain on their marriage for so many reasons.

I wonder if this is causing more problems in the marriage than you realize. There are supports on the internet for childless couples, and, if you think it might be useful, maybe you and your wife could check them out.

It does feel like a bit like a square peg at times, but I think you are taking the analogy too far. I wrote about my own private matters to a wide group of people, telling them what I thought of a particular problem. I really don't see the point in pretending life is a bowl of cherries when its not. People would think I was strange, repeatedly assuring everyone everything's fine and smiling like a lunatic.
That would be weird, and I can't imagine anyone here is asking you to do this.
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