Originally Posted by kp98cru
We will be seeing each other in Florida.
His plan right now is to retire soon and then us move closer to one another.
His plan? What does his wife think about "his" plan? You didn't answer my questions upthread. Are there children involved? Would you move, or would they? Or both?
I have moments where I really do want to get to know her, and moments where I really don't want to have anything to do with her. Will that change as I get to know her better? Probably. I've not now, nor have I ever had a large amount of jealousy toward her - she's been in his life and been his wife slightly longer than I've known him. This is going to be VERY slow going, which is fine with me, as I really do want all of us to know this is what's best for us...
Are you feeling comfortable emailing her, or IMing or talking on the phone? Most of us find getting to know the spouse of one's lover is the best way to move forward in complete openness and with "compersion."
I guess my thought is you should call her, then when you can, visit them in CO next, get a hotel room perhaps, but definitely spend a day hanging out with both of them. If you really love M, and he loves you, and he loves his wife, and she loves him, it only make sense for the metamours to meet. This gives you a real life experience of her, and usually puts fears to rest.
Why my nervousness about approaching him about it? Possibly because this is the first time we've really broached the subject in a serious manner. He used to joke all the time "if I could have two wives, you'd be one of them". He's a commitment kind of guy, so I know once we make this decision it's forever....
OK. Time to move forward into more serious plans, sounds like. Fantasizing about having 2 wives is great, but the reality takes a lot of work.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
Punk, 41, M
Old Friend, gender fluid
Nick, 35, M (occasional lover)
Hippie, 25 (?)
Dark Wing, 45 (?)