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Old 10-28-2009, 06:23 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Funny that we both used that term "child" for different reasons.

He's right-sometimes I do talk to him like that. He talks as though he is a child when he's hurt. I think I do too actually-but I don't get hurt as easily as he does-so it's not as often...

It's something we've been working on-(communication) as he said-but it's a work in progress. While we've made great progress, it's hard.

Mostly-my biggest frustration is that if you (general) have a personal issue that you want to deal with-and you ask someone else to help, then you need to allow them to tell you the truth, and it's LIKELY it's going to hurt.

There is still so much about me that Maca doesn't know. He's afraid to. I understand. His mom was cruel in how she dealt with him, both the first time when he says she f'd his dad over (she f'd his dad AND him over) and when he says she f'd him over (she f'd him AND our son over actually). But as f'd up as I am (aren't we all to some degree) I am not his mom and the worst of the things she did-I won't do. He knows that, but he can't force himself through the fear to FACE it.

I don't know-it's just become clear to me recently that it's a two sided thing. You can only help someone who is WILLING to take the heat of being helped. It's all good and well to say that we (the more secure) need to be gentle with them (the less secure) but the truth is that even as the more secure in this relationship-his actions, his words and his refusal to face them (not always true now) hurts me too and I think those who are more insecure owe it to their loved ones to consider how THEIR actions damage their more secure loved ones as well.
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