Maybe in a way I just can't relax with calm because the anvil will drop, it will drop soon and it will hurt.
Don't get too used to this new school, because tomorrow we might be moving to another city and you'll have to start over.
Don't trust this group of girl friends because tomorrow you might come to school and they will have decided you are no longer welcome and tell everybody to not talk to you.
Don't get too comfy with your family because maybe your husband will stop participating in your life and then tell you it's all your fault he pulled away and you should have done something about it. And you were the worst sex he'd ever had.
Calm periods in my life have been very short and usually followed by an event like the ones listed above (all of which happened, some of them multiple times).
Faking contentment was doing a lot of self-work and thinking that I was "fixing" myself because I didn't like who I was and didn't think anybody else would either. True contentment has a lot more to do with accepting yourself, as is, even as you seek to be the best self you are.