Originally Posted by SourGirl
This is the part of your question(s) that has me wondering. You seem to naturally equate a secondary role as 'following'.
Hmm, that's not exactly how I meant it to come out. Of course, someone who is in a secondary relationship with someone who has another primary can lead a completely independent life -- I do, for example -- but when it comes to the relationship with Gia, my partner who already has a primary, there's lots that I don't get a say in that her primary does.
For instance, life decisions like where they'll buy a house or when they'll have kids. In that sense, if I want to be involved in her life, I need to work with those things and find a way to fit into what they've built even while I myself don't get the same sort of decision making power in shaping what they're building.
If they diverge too far from where I want to go, maybe our relationship will change -- I won't follow them into hell. But I've found I'll joyfully follow them to places they're going that I wouldn't otherwise choose to go in my life right now, like being involved in the raising of a child.
I dunno, maybe that's just called being a supportive partner?