Thread: Turnabout
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Old 09-21-2011, 02:38 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Anyway, he never reads ANY book I recommend. So I'm not surprised he won't come here either. He is not interested in "improving" himself unless it involves weight lifting, which he is 100% committed to.
My hubs is the same way. While I will go researching something if I'm interested in it, or am having issues in order to gain some perspective outside of my own head, he just goes with his gut. And his gut is sometimes not a great leader.

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
The past couple of days I've had some serious suspicions that he has lied to me, and I AM PRETTY SURE I AM RIGHT ON, but I can't prove it and I refuse to sound like some paranoid freak. I also refuse to play detective, how degrading for both of us. But let's face it, a woman knows when she's being lied to. It's in his voice, in his mannerisms, and in some details that I'm not going to bother going into.
I used to feel this way ALL OF THE TIME. And I WAS right. My hubs could never figure out how I knew he was lying... and I never had "proof" so I wouldn't say anything for a long time, but my intuition was recognizing things that my conscious self wouldn't. Finally I would just say something and he would be shocked because it was right on.

Don't play detective. Just TELL him, you feel like he is lying to you, you don't have concrete proof, and you're not going to go looking for it, but you don't believe him and the fact that you don't believe or trust him is destroying the relationship. So he can either come clean, and you can deal, or he can continue and he will lose his marraige. The choice is his.

And then let him make that choice. Honestly Carma, if he is lying to you and continues to lie to you and doesn't do the work to fix things, do you really want to stay with him? Lay everything down and let him decide if he wants to be truthful or not. If he wants to be MARRIED or not.

I know that can seem like a big step, but a relationship without honesty is not only NOT a good place to be, it can destroy your self-worth, self-esteem, your trust in everybody else and a lot of other crap that you may never get back. You are already almost there-- by blaming yourself for his lies

It's been several years since my hubs finally got honest with me... and I am still fighting to regain trust in him and to really believe what he tells me. I still second guess everything he says, and take most things as they could be true, they might not be.

Some things once they're broken are never the same again.

Last edited by Minxxa; 09-21-2011 at 02:44 PM.
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