Great post...and welcome newbie
It is SO good to hear someone speak so much from the heart of trying to find a place to 'fit.' I struggled through some of the same avenues you did for years, after a mono 15 yr marriage that ended in divorce I went from swinger sites, to FWB relationships, to suffering through a very heartfelt painful breakup with a man who presented himself as a single mono man looking for an occasional threesome to telling me a year into our relationship he wanted a 'harem' or "stable" of women and that he wanted me but many others as well. He wanted to me to pick women and then watch him 'whoo' them into the exact lie I was living....whew, that was a mouthful and glad I had the courage to end it.....so I did as you did and took a break and just 'lived' my life and looked from inside myself to find my own happiness and what I really wanted and waited to see if it really existed. So far, it is working well and my traid is one of the best, most loving things that has ever happened to me.
I admire your honesty and agree with your feelings of the poly community offering answers to so many questions about life, love and sexuality. I wish you well and look forward to hearing more.