Originally Posted by nycindie
Cheating can happen in poly. Basically, cheating is when someone is involved with or screwing someone else without the full knowledge and consent of their partner(s). If they're hiding it or lying about it, that's cheating. Or if the people in a poly relationship agree to certain boundaries and then break them; ie., if two people promise that they won't have intercourse with an additional person. Even though they've agreed that they can do lots of other sexual activities, if they go and have intercourse without clearing it first, that's cheating.
Polyfuckery is a term used when people say they are poly just to get away with having sex with lots of people. When someone is into polyfuckery, it's not really about love -- it's more like recreational sex or being open. In general, polyamory doesn't focus on sex, because it's about having or being willing to have multiple love relationships.
I agree with SNeacail that a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy may not be the best situation for you. From what I understand, that is often part of an open relationship, but generally not the best scenario for poly relationships which thrive on honesty and openness.
So maybe I do have it wrong. I'm experiencing feelings, but I don't seriously think he's where I am.
As for DADT, I really don't think I can handle knowing about his other sexual encounters (I am assuming he has them). He has alluded to being involved in some other sexual situations with women that he has known on and off for years, and I have somewhat deducted that he may have a couple of local ex-girlfriends (if I can call them that) that he sleeps with, but for me ignorance is bliss.
Maybe that isn't so healthy... I am aware that he's doing it, but I don't want to know the details. I try to just focus on our time together and not worry about the things I can't control like where he puts his dick...