Originally Posted by JuliaGay
Thank you for sharing your side of things, Baron.
While I understand wanting to keep your commitment, I can see that you are both deeply unhappy and unfulfilled. I'm wondering why you stay together when it seems to me that separating could give you both the freedom find what you are looking for. I also wonder why you made the commitment even though, as you said, the conditions you felt you needed hadn't been met.
Whatever you choose, I just want to say that sometimes things just don't work out. You and RS have tried very, very hard to make them work. There's no dishonor in separating if you've given it your best effort. Life is a journey. It often doesn't go where you think it will or where you want it to. If that were the case, I'd still be with K. But K leaving me allowed N to come into my life and I have a wonderful life with him. Probably better than if I'd stayed with K.
I'm not saying that you two should separate. I know it will likely be very painful if you do. Just that I think you shouldn't be afraid to explore that possibility. Sometimes it is the best option.
Hang in there and keep posting, as Magdlyn encouraged you to do.
We stay together because we do actually love each other. There are also a number of events that happened that kept us together through thick and thin. We have also spent our time trying to resolve our differences. If there is an equal choice between moving forward or hanging back, I will naturally move forward every time. In the week before the wedding, it was either go through an overly-emotional "It's Off!" drama or take a risk. Without any certainties to rely upon, I only had guesswork to estimate what might happen next. I believed that without wedding arrangements occupying RS's attention, the huge public commitment we had made to each other would enable our relationship to change for the better. How could it not?
I agree that sometimes things don't work out, but if I am told that just a little more time or a new thing is needed, I have to give it a chance. If I don't then I could have given up right before it was going to be successful. It is a very frustrating situation that has really tested my patience. In fairness, Divorce and Separation have been likely possibilities for a while as things have not worked-out as they should. I do not believe that any other relationship has had this many resources and opportunities poured into as our one. It has not reasonably met my hopes or expectations so maybe I should end it. However, I am loathe to do so because I do care about RS very much and feel responsible for what happens to her.
One thing I will not allow is for things to remain the same.