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Old 09-20-2011, 07:46 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I guess another way to frame this could be -- for some people, do the same qualities that lead them to often be happy playing a supportive role and not necessarily being "in charge" also help them handle certain types of poly relationships?
This is the part of your question(s) that has me wondering. You seem to naturally equate a secondary role as 'following'.

You can have people who only lead themselves. By design of time and structure the role is secondary. This does not mean they take a subservient role on delegating tasks, final say, etc.

Compare this to a race.

To one person , 2nd place is the first-place loser.
To another person, it might be a fantastic finish, that exceeded their expectations.

Both are cases of people competitive, and with a desire to win. Neither is a subordinate due to a 2nd place finish. Their attitude on the outcome is what makes them different.

I know you know this. I just think it`s hard for people to come to a general conclusion about how 'easier' it is to be a secondary, based on people having submissive tendencies or not.

It has far more to do with the application of knowing what you want, and your expectations being in line, with what is being offered to you.

If those things are not in line, then people struggle. Fear grabs a hold of them, and hurts and pains feel greater.

If someone has done enough self-analysis to know they are submissive by nature, then it stands to reason, they have done enough analyzing to know what type of role they want with poly relationships.

While others, who may not play in a bdsm, 50`s lifestyle, or anything else that provokes a self-labelling, might get into a situation of being a secondary, only to realize through experience, they do not want that. Live and learn, so to speak.

Regardless, there is a whole lotta difference between bottoms, subs, slaves, and 'taken-in-hand' concepts. So much, that I would guess the opposite.

The wife that desires a take-in-hand relationship feels she has offered a gift, and would refuse to take a backseat to someone else. ( For example.)
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