View Single Post
  #163  
Old 09-20-2011, 04:43 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
It shouldn't be up to you to be telling the g/f how much time he is spending doing this or that - that's his issue. From what we have discusses in the past, I would say, just stay out of it, unless you there is a need (or request) to "run interference" for your husband.
Oh, no, I do not feel it's my responsibility to communicate stuff to her, it's definitely his. And I think we're all in agreement on that one. And I think he does tell her, just like I did. I just don't think she believes it "internally". LOL. He does hate being the "middle man" though.

And I'm highly aware that my perspective on things is based on what I see, think I see, assumptions, etc. as is hers. So we are both most likely making incorrect assumptions about what's going on with the other person. I think this is why I feel communication issues are making things harder-- but I'm not sure what to do about it because we are all not in good places for open, honest communication. Yet. I have hopes for the future...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Part of it may just be training him to form new habits where you are concerned. Schedule daily time that is spent just with you (after the kid is in bed) or such. Maybe 1 hour with the kid and 1 with just you (sex would be extra time, but cuddles might count). No phones are answered, no texts, e-mails, etc. and the g/f will be required to respect this time as well.
Yeah, I'm starting to see we need to do this more. Some daily time. My kid is almost 19 though, so there really is no "after kids go to bed" time. She's usually up until midnight or so. Yesterday we did get a little bit of time before she got home from work which was nice. A little foolin' around, a little talking about regular stuff. It was nice. I'm realizing that I need to make sure that happens more often, for sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I seriously sympathize with you, I feel like I'm being whiny and demanding when I want attention, but if I don't I get ignored. So I'm working on ways to request the attention without being whiny (aka: before I have an emotional tear filled break down because I'm feeling tossed aside). If he focuses his attention on the squeaky wheel, then for God's sake speak up. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
It's hard because it's SO not my personality to demand attention. When I need it I ask, but that only works about 50% of the time. Which in turn just pisses me off because why should I have to throw a tantrum or stomp my feet to get attention. We're grownups I should be able to just say what I need and at least get some of it, or a discussion, or a future time or SOMETHING. LOL

And yeah, I get you on the emotional tear filled breakdown. I get to that point and then I'm just a mess, and I feel ridiculous. I think maybe I need to discuss this particular issue by itself with hubs. That when I need attention or am feeling like he's not "there", how can I convey that to him in a way that won't feel accusatory or demanding to either of us. Because when I can't get the message across, and too much time goes by, it ends up being a mess and there's no need for that.

We are getting a little time this weekend because the daughter is going out of town and I don't have the boychild this weekend, yay! So hopefully some time to just hang out, do some fun stuff, and perhaps a little discussion here and there would be possible.

Last edited by Minxxa; 09-20-2011 at 04:54 PM.
Reply With Quote