I have to agree with you, Senga. "I love [insert name(s) here]. They are my partner(s)". Even if you do have a specific, hierarchal thing going on at home, doesn't mean you have to simply describe them as primary, secondary and so forth.
I think if you did actually have time to have a real conversation about it, you would have that time to actually explain who they are to you, rather than using these words too.
Rather than, "this is my primary", you could instead go for something like "I love all of these people, but I only live with this person. We share the finances and other priorities, such as looking after our children, but still make time for the others in our lives".
There's recurring comments around this whole forum about "use the language of the people you are speaking to". You use words like primary and secondary, most people jump to the conclusion that the secondary would mean less to you. That isn't the fault of language, it is the way you choose to use it.
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