We are still making preparations for Lin to move in. The craftsmen are coming and going, renovating the room that looked like a dark and tatty hole. Today the brick layer is closing an old cavity in which the radiator has been placed, which was the way the houses were build around here 60 years ago. All well on that front. But …
We are facing some mayor problems personally. The company Sward works for is on the verge of bankruptcy. No one of the coworkers knew how bad it looked some days ago and it was kind of a shock that it's actually this unpromising. Sward did his apprenticeship in this company and has worked there for nearly 15 years now.
Obviously it would be a problem for anyone to lose a job. But I think it will be one for Sward especially because he never finished his apprenticeship with a full fledged certificate. He has dyslexia and was allowed to do a slimmed form of the real final examination but never got a normal certificate of apprenticeship. There has been a time when he tried to apply for jobs in his field (sometimes during 'hard winters' some of the employees are on a short leave from work in the company) but his qualifications never were adequate enough. This was really discouraging for him, because he is kind of filtered out because of his papers and no one asked for his practical knowledge, even though that is what really counts in his field of work. And he really is adept and experienced, he is the one supervising the trainees and the tree nursery.
The other factor with 'crisis potential' is the money. Of all things, we had to overdraw our account THIS month … Sward's boss had to do some negotiations with the bank and they promised to pay and give credit for one year but … they don't pay. At least they didn't up to now. We are still waiting for his wages from last month. My mother helped us out for now but it can't go on like this.
I applied for a tutoring job and was invited directly. We will see how much time this will take away from my studies, because I was getting ready for my finals this semester and didn't want to take a job like I was able to do before. But no choice in this kind of situation. There is a positive side to this nevertheless: Practice
I will do the negotiations on Wednesday and hope for the best.
But the point I worry about most: Lin. He is moving in with us, cutting most of his ties with his old life and friends, ready to do a fresh start and now this. I don't want to burden him with such a situation from the start. Not that I can change something about it if it comes into being but still … This could be too much. Lin sees it as a responsibility he accepted when he knew that I am not 'alone'; entering the relationship with an already established partner by my side meant to him taking on and accepting a relationship with this person and caring for this one as well. I got the felling that Lin and Sward see the other as they would look at a child of mine. They got ready to 'adopt' one another when they negotiated our common ground for the start of the relationship.
I kind of get the impression that this is hardly fair. Years of therapy, no money for himself, no real life because of his weakness and delicate condition and now all in, burdened with the financial responsibility for others, again no money for own wishes and the need to start working earlier than planned. I am not sure that he is really able to work a normal shift of any job at the moment, he thinks he can, but well … he is an optimist by heart.
Yes, I know that I am considering the worst case scenario, meaning: Sward being unemployed without a new job within some months. But this could happen and I am just afraid of this aggravating our relationship(s) right from the start and in a way that puts too much strain on everyone. I love the way everyone feels responsible for the others but I see the possibility of a point when this could be 'too much'.