I've never asked jools to remove him or ignore him, but i did suggest that i would leave if she did see him.
this is why i cut him out for a year, because i didn't want you to leave. loving M does not take away any love i have for you, and i do not want to lose you. you never asked me to remove him but i knew if i did not then you where going to walk away, and that has been the reason i spent a year trying to ignore my feelings for him.
She said that she would see him regardless of how i felt, it was just a matter of time but that if we try to deal with my feelings on this now, then there will be no problems and everyone will be happy in long run.
what i mean by this, is not that i dont' care how you feel, i do care how you feel, it matters to me that this hurts you, but i realise that by cutting him out in order to keep you was making me very unhappy and becuase i was unhappy you cannot be happy... and so i made the choice to have him back in my life and hoped behond hope that you would be able to work on this with me so that i don't lose you, but when i made that choice i also came to terms with the fact that i could lose you,
i am so grateful that despite M you don't want to leave,
but i feel like you are tolarating this and thats as far as it goes, and i feel for us both to be happy it has to be more than tolarate, i agree with what a previous poster has said, you will have to make peace with M if we are to continue and all of us stay sane, you hating him won't work long term and where i can fully understand your feelings of hate towards him i am asking if we can start thinking about moving past the hate. M wants to talk to you he wants to work on some level of understanding with you where you are not hating each other, i belive that is possible becuase i know you and i know what you are capable off.
Partly i was interested to see if anyone would respond to get an idea if anyone had had a similar situation and maybe they could offer suggestions.
I was given teh ultimatum of "If i suggest that its either him or me, she will choose him. If he suggests she choose me or him she will choose me"
when ethier of you have asked me to choose i have said that i can't, and then i have given you both the option to walk away if you feel that me not making a choice is to much for you to cope with,
its not a case of choosing,
i can't choose that is the point.
and in all of this i have to remember that there is another person who this affects now, because Rs feeling also matter, and this has potential to hurt him too,