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Old 09-20-2011, 03:24 AM
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Senga Senga is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo NY, willing to relocate
Posts: 99

"We don't use labels, we simply describe things and like to have accurate terms for descriptions. We understand that the words we use to describe things don't force any particular behaviors on us--they simply describe what we do."

I understand that using labels for relationships while chatting online can be necessary when trying to explain the relationship dynamic.
I was referring more to 'in person' conversations, and how it would be better to stick to simple. Especially when introducing people. My suggestion is basically to describe what people mean to you, instead of boxing in what they are.
Example; I love Bob...vs. Bob is my primary boyfriend. Maybe this is just my preference.

"We also don't try to fit polyamory into any mono standards, as there are no mono standards for multiple relationships of the sort we engage in. I'm uncertain as to how describing what it is we're doing could conceivable be twisted into anything dealing with monogamy, by the way."

I was referring to the way many monogamous relationships tend to be viewed as a type of ownership. Seems like there is a lot of pressure to label what relationships you own as 'yours' as though marking territory.

"So color me puzzled by your rant. I don't find anything bad by describing the relationships I have."

Its not bad to describe them, naturally it happens. The orriginal post seemed to be referring to how to explain poly relationship dynamics without using terminology that is hierarchical, which is pretty ingrained in our society today. I prefer to let my partners speak for themselves because people seem to make more assumptions the more information you give them. I simply use descriptors like 'love' and I use the most simple & specific label there is, a person's name. That way I don't have to worry about how I describe their 'status' to anyone else.
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