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Old 09-19-2011, 10:30 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I have problems with basic communication skills being turned into a technique or system to follow. I've taken tons of communication workshops with great teachers and what I've learned is that being present, being open, and truly listening without an agenda is the way to communicate effectively. Putting ourselves in someone else's shoes so we can hear them from their point of view is also key. All this, of course, takes practice. However, following some recipe for self-expression seems silly to me. Making sure we're adhering to some standardized process can take us out of the moment and prevent us from actually connecting with someone because we're too busy monitoring ourselves.

So, I think it's also important that we not be too rigid with ourselves. If we find a technique or process that works, don't beat ourselves up for veering off that path once in a while, or for letting volatile feelings get in the way of all the calm, rational, "I sentences" we're supposed to be having if we're enlightened. Sometimes a genuine outburst does more to get a message across than a studied, carefully constructed sentence. Develop the skills but throw away the rule book.
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