Originally Posted by violet
You have access to ANY OTHER MAN on the PLANET that will have you, TheMountainBoy has only asked that because of the pain that was caused by your cheating that you not develop a romantic relationship with M. That's what I asked of HMA. We had an open relationship, yes. And I was so uncomfortable with S because of what happened, I asked him to not fuck her. ANY woman but her. He agreed. It wasn't that much to ask.
(absolutely no disrespect violet i agree with most all you said including the last paragraph, it is a choice)-
The issues for me which you nicely addressedin this paragraph are that I wasn't DEVELOPING a relationship-even though it was developed incorrectly and unfairly-it was already developed and UNdeveloping my love was/is impossible.
Also it wasn't about fucking. I don't want to fuck anyone. Maca, C or anyone else. I was in love with both Maca and C and unable to stop those emotions. Therefore even though I tried to shut C out for Maca, that was part of me and my heart I was shutting out-and Maca didn't like who I was without C. As much as it still makes him puking sick to consider C and I making love and he doesn't want to see it for anything-he hated who I became without C as well and couldn't live with himself if he made a choice that forced that....
On that note-you both have some DEEP soul searching to do on this.
Is your love for M such that you can't be the person Mountainboy loves without M?
Is Mountainboys need to not have his pride assaulted or his heart pained by M's presence in your life strong enough to warrant not having you in his life?
There are more questions no doubt-but you both have some serious soul searching.
I will say-that there is NO WAY you can flourish as a couple AND you have a relationship with M if Mountainboy and M can't make peace over the past. No way-no how.
So if you two decide to allow M a place in your life Jools, then Mountainboy-you and M need to take a long walk, possibly off a short dock (preferably ending at cold water to cool off) and have a "coming to Jesus talk" as we say here. Get ALL the dirt out on the table. Hurt feelings, apologies, selfishnesses, hatred-everything out on the table. Because hatred in one part will kill all of the relationships eventually.