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Old 09-19-2011, 12:02 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Hi Tipsy and welcome to the Forum.

What stands out for me in your post is something that I can relate to, and that is the fact that you have become emotionally entwined in this relationship while in the process of divorcing.

As someone still dealing with my divorce, I know it isn't easy. I don't know how recently you split, but I acknowledge you for being brave and willing to risk your heart with someone new. However, you should know that when you're still processing the emotional impact of a marriage ending and what it means to start over, it is difficult to see things clearly. I have read that professionals (therapists, counselors) generally find that the first two years after a divorce are the most difficult, and sometimes even longer than that. It is usually an emotionally tumultuous adjustment period, and known as "crazy time." Any new relationship tends to be euphoric, overwhelming, and filled with drama.

If I were you, I would slow down and do what you can to keep your feet on the ground. Dating soon after divorce, or while we're still in the process of one, is absolutely fine and can be a very pleasurable escape. Certainly, it can be very healing to receive all the attention and affection, but zeroing in too soon on one person who receives all our focus can blind us to problems, warning signs, unresolved issues, or difficult emotions that need dealing with. For you, it could be that being preoccupied with feelings of jealousy is a good diversion from the feelings of grief and loss over a marriage ending. Often, a newly divorced person is tempted to fill in that feeling that something's missing, avoid more painful feelings, or unconsciously find a replacement for our ex. Sometimes it's just easier to feel the unfamiliar pain or confusion of a new relationship than it is to feel the depth our feelings when we lose a spouse to divorce, someone we invested so much of ourselves to be with for an extended amount of time.

So, unless I'm way off-base and you have totally come to terms with your divorce and finished grieving the marriage, I would recommend doing your best to resist getting all serious and heavy about this relationship. Feel the love but try to keep things light and give yourself space. Keep yourself occupied with activities and fill your life with other people, friendships, socializing, etc. Try not to make this wonderful woman the center of your universe. From what you've written (being nauseous and in pain), you just might not be ready.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 09-19-2011 at 10:15 PM.
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