How surprisingly wonderful to read all of your responses! So thoughtful, intelligent, and encouraging. I am so glad to have found this community at a time when I feel like I am going crazy.
I think I will give my husband time, although, he made it clear that he felt monogamy was the only way for him during our last conversation. If that remains the case, then I will have to decide at some point what I can live with "For The Rest of My Life", which sounds like a life sentence right now.
As far as the "hypothetical" part, it is hypothetical right now, in that I do not currently have any man in mind. However, 2 years ago I had an online affair with a old flame of mine that tore up the foundations of our marriage when my husband found out. We have been floating around on new waters since then.
So, the ultimate fear is, if there were another man, and at this point it would only be online as intercourse is a BIG NO-NO, would I be able to sustain both relationships. Because the last time I had a relationship with someone I was ready to hop on a plane and consummate the thing already. This raises a bunch of new questions. Is an online affair real? Would it be enough to appease my need to connect? Without physical affection, I would probably always be left wanting. If there were a man in my life, that was not my husband, who I did experience physically, then what would stop me from believing that I should leave my husband to be with the new person?
Thanks again for your advice and concern. I appreciate being able to speak frankly without fear of judgment.