This was a pretty emotionally draining week, but I got through it with support from my husband and friends (and of course lovely things from the folks on here!).
Giving my bf space was incredibly hard, knowing he was just downstairs and I couldn't see him. He truly didn't know how difficult it was until I told him today and we talked some more. He wants me in his life and he cares about me, I know that. It's been hard to for him to be so wrapped up in my life, and poly life. He doesn't crave the inclusiveness, the domestic routine as much as I do. I think I was getting caught up in all the things I was "offering" him without realizing what it was that he actually wanted. It didn't help that he was having trouble even figuring out what he wanted, his depression makes that hard.
It's something that I know I've been cautioned about on these forums, from some wise folks, I just didn't want to see it until it was causing all these issues. I rely on keeping the people in my life happy to make me happy, and it doesn't always work out that way. I know that I've been relying heavily on him to fill many voids in my life, things that don't have anything to do with him. I need to stop being so afraid to be alone.
If he needs some time for a little self-reflection, I can accept that.
I think I need to do some of that too.