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Old 09-18-2011, 03:51 AM
schtuff schtuff is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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i could totally be off base with this one, so i am going to qualify it first and not wait for an answer.... lol

your attraction to will, did it come on fast, without warning, almost un-explainable..... (again this is about the first attraction) or was it one of those things that built up over time?

if it was an attraction that came on slowly and grew over time then completely ignore the inaccurate, ridiculous, rambling that is about to follow, and skip to the last paragraph.

the reason i ask is this... you speak about the passion and fire within a deeply loving relationship. if the initial attraction was fast, and hard, a great chemistry, and i mean real chemistry, not something that gets cooked up over a period of time, but an almost instant and powerful reaction caused when you are in proximity to a person who has the very toe curling chemical signature that your body craves. if this is you, then hormones have got a hold of you.

can that affect your thoughts and feelings???? heck yes! personal history and observation alert!!! you have been warned proceed with caution. and i am going to use gemzi as an example too.

so... i have this chemical attraction to my wife, gemzi, i confess i used to smell her sweaters because they smelled like her. even after 18 years i have strong physical desire for her. most of the time i cant even look at her without wanting to hold, kiss, cuddle, and well other things that follow quickly. me.... i have some jealousy issues i deal with, but i have trust, and confidence in her. our inception into poly is a very long story, but i accepted at first because i wanted her to be happy. on the other hand, the girlfriends that i have had the emotional connection but not that strong physical chemistry, i dont have jealousy issues over. the heartache is there over a break up, naturally, but i am no jealous.

her attraction to me is based mostly out of love, not so much physical chemistry, and our love is among the strongest i have ever known anyone to have. she does not have jealousy issues where i am involved.... however, i have seen her have jealousy issues over boyfriends where that chemistry was involved. others she adored because they were cute or sweet.... hmm no jealousy issues.

this is just my observation, you describe your relationship and attraction quite nicely, as almost perfect. if the chemistry is there, and then you found out what a great guy he is on top of all of that. (which is quite rare) then it may just be a hormone reaction that overrides all else, something we cant help, but can think ourselves through.

consider this maybe... he makes it a point to make you his absolute primary, making sure all of your needs are met before considering anyone else. your descriptions make it sound like he does. and poly is new to him, it gives him freedoms to exercise that he has never had before. as a *nice guy* i can say that the typical relationship is one of not exploring new things, but attaching ourselves to one person and doing everything we can to make that person happy. and it sounds like he is exploring the world of casual relationships, which *nice guys* rarely engage in.

it sounds by your description and his actions that he does care deeply for you, and that you two have a long and happy road to travel together as a couple. it is also good to see you are able to look inward and evaluate, and process some of these things. i think i have officially used up all my allotted words for the day, and must now let my keyboard rest.

schtuff
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