Originally Posted by RaspberrySurprise
It is the thought of not being special that makes me feel jealous. Having to share him. Knowing that I wasn't enough. Of course the thought of him just physically having sex with someone makes my blood boil too. Which is weird seeing as I don't have a high sex-drive myself.
There is so much great advice here, but let me add my own comment. Regardless of what is going on, as long as he wants you as his wife, as long as he still loves you, you ARE SPECIAL. No matter who is involved, you are still his wife. You have so many options, but I would advise, like everyone else here, that you keep open communication. If you are uncomfortable with BDSM, this does not mean that you were "not enough". It simply means that he has needs you do not provide. This is not a fault on your part. Please remember this. Some people are just wired differently. It is a true heartache when two people who are wired so differently get married and are unable to figure out a happy medium. So many people break up over this very thing regardless of whether they are mono or poly. Some things, you don't find until after the marriage takes place. I think it's also important to remember as well, that this is probably something he does need. Funny thing...I have talked to so many people who have this strange idea that poly people aren't jealous. *laughs* I'm sure everyone here would agree that it isn't true. However, you really need to explore yourself, your mind, your boundaries and what you are willing to sacrifice here, before you decide to agree to this. If you agree to something you are not comfortable with, it will be difficult to hold your relationship together. If you don't, and his needs are not met...it may...hurt him to the point where things are unable to hold together... Maybe some counseling is in order? If it's your meds that are messing with you, maybe you should talk with your doctor. I wish you luck! I hope you will both find a way to be happy.