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Old 09-17-2011, 02:58 PM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by rory View Post
However, I think it might have actually been ok to ask them what they feel for her. And I don't think you need to hide that you're jealous. You're entitled to feel that way, as long as you don't let it have too much of an impact how you act (which you haven't). Maybe it's even something you should let them, or at least Gia, know, while of course making sure she also knows that your feelings don't mean you want her to hang out with her less or in any other way to change her behaviour. I'm thinking that I would definitely want to know if something like this was making my partner feel insecure or jealous or bad. That information wouldn't, in itself, change how I act, but it's important to me they know they can talk to me and that I care about how they feel.
I agree with most of this. It's obvious than you [Annabel] are putting a lot of energy into respecting E&G'S feelings, their timetables, their doubts. If I were one of Gia's good friends, I'd point this out to her and tell her that you [Annabel] deserve the same consideration. Of course it wouldn't do to dictate to her that the first person (besides Eric) that she should be getting it on with after the pregnancy has to be the one who's been missing that aspect of your relationship for so long. As you quoted earlier,
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Something that SourGirl posted on another thread --
"Nothing worthwhile ever came forced."

I like it... very helpful for me to remember right now.
You can't force true feelings. Gia doesn't "owe" it to you for you to be the first. But I'm so glad that it seems that she isn't panting for Liza. And odds are that you will be the first. The problem is letting her know that if she does start off with someone else before you, that that would hurt you... without making her feel that she's being put under pressure.
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Could it be that Liza has come along in Eric's life now because he's feeling distant from Gia and wants someone new to feel special with? Could it even be that he's missing *me*??

I think it's more likely that he just thinks she's hot and sweet and it's not a lot more complicated than that. But thinking about things from that perspective... that maybe Eric is a human just like me with hurts and empty places and needs... made me realize that I don't usually think of him in quite that way, and that's a little messed up.
I think it's easy for me to see you as a person and not consider E&G as fully 3D, because you're the one who's been sharing with us on here. I'll have to keep in mind that Gia is on meds for her general problems with stress, and that Eric's a human being with pain in his past. You know them better than I do, obviously. But you're also caught up in your worries about how he'll react if you tell him straight that you love him (without any hedging about it, disguising the declaration as you have already done, twice). So I'll throw you my view from a distance and you can mash it together with your better knowledge about Eric and decide it they mix well:

I think it's more likely that he just thinks she's not as important to him as you are, so that a connection with her is not going to be as complicated to deal with as getting in deeper with you. Because she means less to him, she's less likely to hurt him. She's safe. You aren't.

I'm possibly projecting. But I see something of my past self (traces of which remain) in Eric's fear of getting hurt (again). I suspect that he needs to learn (as I needed to) the truth of the 3rd and 4rth components of my signature. I know from experience that if someone lets fear of getting hurt take over, they're more likely to have a fling with an attractive-but-casual person than getting real with somebody who - deep down - they know they care about more.

But a bird will never fly unless it spreads its wings and takes that leap.
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