I have noticed that my views/ attitudes towards sex have evolved over the years. As a young teen; sex was something that guys expected from me; something that made me feel guilty for participating in (I was a good little Christian girl whose best friend kept making her believe she was committing a horrible sin). My First rode his bike to my grandmother's, in a snow storm, expecting to get laid. We were 15 and I decided I wasn't ready, but let him guilt me into it. Not realizing that would be the pattern for the last year of our relationship. He would demand sex and either guilt me into it or physically threaten me until I acquiesced. After learning that guys expected sex, I was let down by my next serious boyfriend when I actually wanted sex and I was his first kiss. Ultimately, he broke up with me because he was afraid to give in and have sex with me (for a multitude of reasons). I thought there was something wrong with me, so I started dating guys with the intent of having sex with them. When friends introduced Runic Wolf and I in our late teens, I didn't want another boyfriend, I wanted a lover; and I got one. Neither of us were looking for a committment or even a deep friendships, but apparently love finds me when I least want it. I had a few female friends with whom I shared passionate makeouts, but it never went further than that and it was mostly for shock value (at least for them).
In my early 20's I was just accepting that I was bi-sexual; I was a newly wed, so sex outside our marriage was purely for recreation and exploration. I needed him there to push me (gently) past my comfort zone and into the arms of other women. In my mid 20's a good friend asked us to take care of his fiance while he was in Iraq; we all went out bar hopping, then came back and had a foursome. This happened a few more times after he came back and I had one other male friend who I occasionally slept with while drunk (a couple of St.Patrick's day's got out of hand). Sex with others was still casual, but I had grown to realize I wanted to at least be friends with the people in my bed.
When Wendigo approached me 2 years ago, I was 27, and one of the first things he said to me was that he found my sexual confidence alluring. Neither of us were looking for it to be anything more than friendship or even fully sexual (the original plan was oral only and he wanted to pleasure me). Ultimately, we had an amazing sexual and emotional connection and, at some point, it became love (though we have only said the words a handful of times). I still had a couple of FWB options, but phased most of them out. When Pretty Lady joined our quad in a sexual way, I still had one sexual female interest; but that too has faded over time.
Nine months ago was the last time I attempted a casual sexual experience. Pretty Lady and I offered to help a friend out who had always desired a 3 some, but wasn't all that interested in having another guy involved and his fiance wouldn't go for it at all. Ultimately the whole thing was a disaster, but I discovered that I no longer enjoy casual sex. Sex with my guys and our Pretty Lady is amazing, sex with our friend was disappointing and felt forced. In many ways, I had sex with him so that I could have sex with Pretty Lady again, since her availability is severely limited. For me casual sex is not enough anymore, but I would never presume to tell my lovers that they can't have casual sex if it something that is beneficial to them.
Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 09-17-2011 at 02:18 AM.
Reason: self policing grammar