A few days ago, I was thinking about Eric's attraction to Liza and grumbling in my mind, "Why does he want her so bad?" Then, suddenly, I remembered what was going on when I originally hooked up with Harry... I was missing Gia so I decided to open myself up to the possibilities around me and just see who might come along.
Could it be that Liza has come along in Eric's life now because he's feeling distant from Gia and wants someone new to feel special with? Could it even be that he's missing *me*??
I think it's more likely that he just thinks she's hot and sweet and it's not a lot more complicated than that. But thinking about things from that perspective... that maybe Eric is a human just like me with hurts and empty places and needs... made me realize that I don't usually think of him in quite that way, and that's a little messed up.
All this time, I've been viewing things through this lens of the roles that I'd cast for us in my mind. This drama where I love him and he doesn't love me. So I'm the person who desires what she can't have, and he's the object of desire. There's not a lot of room for complexity in that. And it leaves him as an out-of-reach thing, not a full person.
Mr. FFR was trying to point this out to me way back, in his post dated 3/17/11 when he wrote "Hey! I hope that you let Eric down gently when you turned down his invitation after the party! Maybe he's wandering about in a funk: "Why did she reject me?!""
At the time I didn't take it too seriously, but it did sort of niggle at me... like, that was a really good point, why didn't it occur to me that Eric might have taken it as a rejection?
When everything is seen through this lens I find myself constantly assuming that he's not particularly interested in me and feeling this bittersweetness about him. And sure, that makes for a great dramatic narrative, but it's not a good way to relate to a friend.
Time to straighten up!!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.