I just read this whole thing and my thought all the way through was to ask to meet her and to pace your selves more slowly... veto is not for being selfish if you ask me... its for extreme situations and acts as an ultimatum "its my way or we are done." This woman sounded like she was fearful of the connection you have, the pace this was all going and that she needed to meet who her husband was connecting with. All not veto worthy if you ask me...
If I was ever in a relationship dynamic where veto was used in this way I would be so gone... that does hark of disposability and lack of willingness to communicate and I just won't involve myself with that.
I don't ever want to feel as if I am less than someone else... if I do then I adjust what the person means to me to fit the situation... I have a boyfriend that puts what his wife thinks ahead of me all the time and I have adjusted (with great pain and heartache I might add) to fit that... I simply don't allow myself to fall deeper into our connection as I believe that it will be uneven if I do. We have reached the level we have reached, it is an even level and until he decided that he wants more depth, this is what we have.
I am pleased for you that you have had a chance to talk, get back on track and have some plans to talk to her about veto... sounds like a good idea and sounds hopeful. Good luck!
Just a note; if you post a thread here, it should be expected that the conversation on it will ramble in accordance with the nature of conversation. Not everyone is here to talk about you and your needs only. Some are here to discuss theory and philosophize or tell their own story and take on an issue. All you can really expect is that you will need to make attempts to bring the thread back on course so you can get more feed back. Sometimes there is some really helpful feed back when the thread rambles. Please be patient and respect that just because you start a thread does not mean that you own it out right. If you would like that option then you would be best to post in lifestyles and blogs as the threads there are meant to be answered to the OP's specific question, if they have one. thanks