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Old 09-15-2011, 06:19 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Nyc, I agree that you shouldn't seek out a bi man just to broaden your horizons. And I appreciate your honesty. And I know this thread is not targeted at me and I'm about to engage in a slight derail.

But but but...

"Something about him... I just feel if he's not totally into women, then I wouldn't have his whole attention, or something, almost like he'd be too "easy" sexually to trust."

I've gotta say, that's just a tough thing for me to read, as a bisexual.
I wasn't referring to bi women, though. I knew when I wrote that, I should have explained what I meant.

Since this thread is looking for straight people's responses to the idea of being with bi people of the opposite sex, I thought I'd take the opportunity to honestly explore some of the prejudices I have. I know that, for some reason, if I had an opportunity to be in a romantic or sexual situation with a bisexual man, I would not be totally comfortable. I can be friends with gay men, bi men, transmen, but there is something in me that only wants to be in intimate/sexual relationships with straight men.

I am being honest and admit that this is a prejudice I have, based on assumptions. And the definition of prejudice is to pre-judge someone before you have the facts about them, before you really know them, and I do not like to admit that I do that. But we all pre-judge others in some way, abut some things, in some areas of our lives, and I'm just taking a look at this one because I know it's there. Once I get to know someone well, pre-conceived notions disappear, but sometimes the initial prejudices I might have keep me a little distant and get in the way of my becoming closer.

About the "easy" part of my post -- I only think that way about bi men, not bi women, basically because of testosterone. I guess that my image of bi men is blurred a bit with the stereotype of gay men. I have always thought that when men get together with men, testosterone with testosterone, there's an idea there of them having more of a promiscuous leaning, more of a focus on sex above other things. Of course, I know such generalizations aren't true for everyone, but they do color my attractions to someone. I did make out a few times with the bi guy I had a little crush on for a while, and couldn't get past thoughts of him being with other men. And that was a big part of the turn-off for me. But he's poly with quite a number of partners, so it could've been part of also wondering just how many people this guy fucks and how open his relationships are, because he did not tell me.

I never even really thought of bisexual women in this way, I guess because at least a woman's sexuality is familiar to me, even if her preferences are outside my own. But maybe I'm a little scared of gay and bi male sexuality, almost as if all that testosterone would be too overwhelming for me. I really don't know - I'm just trying to deconstruct it so I can understand myself better. I'm certain most of this was taught to me as part of my cultural conditioning, so it's very strongly ingrained -- I still recall a conversation with my sister when we were in our late teens or early 20s, and she was saying how men are like dogs and can't control themselves, so when you have men with men, it's even more intense. Of course I know better now, all these many years later, but I'm sure it made an impression on how I look at guys and sex and relationships. At least I'm aware and looking at it! Just wondering where prejudices end and just plain old preferences for whom I find attractive begins.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-15-2011 at 07:09 AM.
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