This thread is filled with people who are deeply hurt and wounded by others it seems. Its a shame that there is not some kind of coming together over those similarities rather than more hurt and wounding going on... I find that people spend far too much time involved with their own feelings to adequately empathize and express their concern for other peoples feelings... too bad really as it seems to me that healing happens when people empathize.
I am left feeling very fortunate that I choose to let my roll as a parent be shared with the two men in my life. My boy has three parents as a result and none of us are giving that up, nor are we taking it away from the others... my point of view has always been that there should be abundance of love in my relationships rather than scarcity. A child should be loved by whomever is there to love them and care for them. The more the merrier when it comes to loving a child (or anyone for that matter).
If my child was taken away because of circumstance, the most I would want for THEM is that they be loved and cared for by SOMEONE,,, or MANY people. It doesn't have to be me, but I would be damned hurt and angry if it wasn't. I think I would grasp on to the notion that that is my ego talking and that has nothing to do with the care and love my child gets. In time I would like to think I would be able to participate again in their lives.... I think I would work on letting it go rather than regretting and holding anger and my dream of parenting in the way I originally thought I would or should.
I feel for you Trueriver. You sound like a man in deep pain over this and I wish you relief from it. I don't know if that is possible by making another child and raising it the way you would of preferred however.... it does sound like you would be using the situation to fulfill a deep rooted need you have and I would wonder if it would be healthy. I would wonder what would happen if things ended up similarly as your other children's situations! More pain, more hurt.... perhaps you should cut your losses and spend time with children who have no men in their lives who desperately could use a decent role model. I would think it would almost be guaranteed that there would be positive results from that in terms of getting your needs met to parent...
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