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Old 09-15-2011, 04:43 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Khas, it's great that you are seeing where/how you need to improve your communicating. But there are more issues here than communication, which need to be addressed.

You need to remember the gift your wife has given you by being willing to live polyamorously when it's something that feels like a knife in her gut. Never forget it.

You're not really juggling two relationships if all your attentions and affection are focused on either one or the other. You shouldn't feel guilty for having a great time with your gf, but you need to take your wife out on romantic dates, too. You have the responsibility to give affection and loving attention to BOTH of them. Your wife is not your maid and washer-woman. When you're home you must share responsibilities for housework if you expect to be able to have a girlfriend. You need to engage with her, not come home and isolate yourself and ignore her, expecting her to manage the household and children while you have your fun. It's not really poly if you're fawning over the gf and neglecting your wife. That's just cheating with permission, and a pretty shitty way to treat the woman who has been by your side for years and accepted that you can love more than one. Remember the loving part in loving more than one. If you don't treat your wife with tenderness, love, and the utmost respect and consideration, you're setting both your relationships up to fail. Time to wake up.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 09-15-2011 at 04:46 AM.
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