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Old 09-14-2011, 11:39 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paschendale View Post
I have found that I cannot defend my open relationship with my monogamous friends. While they respect me as a person, they say very judgmental things about it. The reason why I am having trouble is because I feel like I can only answer them in hypotheticals. When they ask things like "how can you still love your boyfriend?" or "are you just breaking up with him in another form" it's difficult for me to answer for myself.
Sounds to me like you just don't have a strong sense of self. If you allow your friends to keep spouting judgemental bullshit about your choices without calling them on their rudeness, you have boundary issues. If you can't assert your inherent right to choose whom you love and how you do your relationships, you seem to be lacking self-confidence.

Are you asking them why they seem so limited in their ability to love others? Does that sound like a rude question? It is--and it's the flipside of what they're asking you. Why do you tolerate that? Are you desperate for their approval?

Nothing anybody says here is going to help you with anything until you begin to deal with those personal issues of yours. When you decide to stand up and enforce reasonable boundaries and assert your rights to decide how you will live your life, then somebody can provide help by suggesting possible approaches to the challenges present in your situation.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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