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Old 09-14-2011, 08:48 PM
paschendale paschendale is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 11
Default Are Some People Just Not Built For Polyamory?

I have been dating a polyamorous man for about a year and a half. Recently we transitioned our relationship from a poly/mono arrangement to an open LDR due to my move to Syracuse, NY.

I have noticed, in the 3 weeks that I have been gone from my boyfriend, that there is a stark difference between how we have both been responding to the change. He has met several girls on OkCupid/work and is going on dates with all of them. It is clear he's missing me but overall he seems to be handling the transition pretty well.

I on the other hand have put all of my romantic energy toward one man, completely and exclusively. As this person is currently in a monogamous relationship himself and thus unable to return my affections, I have tried to find other people to be with instead but to no avail. Try as I might, I cannot "get over" him.

Worse still, I'm now beginning to lose my attraction to my boyfriend due to this obsession. Perhaps this is just due to the distance, but I also worry that this may suggest that the whole "infinite love" thing isn't true for me, as a monogamous person.

I have found that I cannot defend my open relationship with my monogamous friends. While they respect me as a person, they say very judgmental things about it. The reason why I am having trouble is because I feel like I can only answer them in hypotheticals. When they ask things like "how can you still love your boyfriend?" or "are you just breaking up with him in another form" it's difficult for me to answer for myself.

If it is true that I am a mono-wired person who can only form deep attractions with one person at a time, then what does this mean about life with my boyfriend. I do not think that I can continue a poly/mono arrangement for the rest of my life after seeing how difficult it is.

Is it normal to question how poly you are?
I really need to figure myself out.
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18 y/o mono female with a poly boyfriend

Last edited by paschendale; 09-14-2011 at 10:04 PM.
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