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Old 09-14-2011, 07:46 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
I know that I love him but I don't know if we really like each other any more. I know I have changed over the years. That is what happens to people. He claims he is still the same person but he isn't of course. I know he doesn't like me for who I am today but still loves me and claims to still be in love with me. I am not sure if I can truly believe that or not but I try to. As a person the way he lives and how he sets his priorities I am not sure if he is someone that I like either. I know for a fact that I love this man and I think I am still in love with him but I don't really think I like the person he has become. Or maybe I couldn't see the real person behind the love blinders before. I am not sure but I pray that everything works out for the best, whatever that might be.
You know that there is a period of time in the beginning of relationships where the hormones and brain chemicals are basically blinding us to who each other "really" are. Not that we don't see a lot of the real person, but it's all shiny and smooth and even the not-so-nice stuff gets shoved under the couch and ignored because of the good feelings involved. That period can last up to a couple of years, depending on circumstances, and it's only after that time when our brains go back to "normal" that we can truly start to see each other and BEGIN to get to know one another.

A lot of people get tricked into thinking that those visions we have of each other in the beginning are the "real" us, and then after that somehow we have changed... and spend a lot of wasted useless time trying to get that first person back. The one that never really existed at all.

Maybe while you're at the counselor's... instead of trying to see "who you were" and "how you've changed"... you both can spend some time figuring out who you are now, and dealing with that. If you don't necessarily like how your husband prioritizes-- this is the perfect time to bring that up (with specifics, of course, and calmly!). A third person is great in helping to sort through the BS and help you two get to the heart of the matter.

And I'm always suspicious of people who say they are they same people they were 10 years ago... as if that's a good thing!
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